


Pain Is Never Permanent (But Tonight It's Killing Me)

by brokencasbutt67



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Human Gabriel (Supernatural), Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Jealous Dean Winchester, Making Out, Nightmares, No Smut, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-13 08:58:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14745809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokencasbutt67/pseuds/brokencasbutt67





	1. Chapter 1

Prompt:   _‘I can’t do this alone’_  
Setting:   _Hunt_  
Trope:    _Friends_ _to lovers_  
Ship:      _Gabriel x Reader_  
Genre:    _Fluff, Angst_

Gabriel carefully laid you on the bed, wincing at the pained groan you let out. He turned to Dean, who was fuming, but didn’t look up to him.   
“I can’t believe you” He said angrily to Gabriel.   
“You not only fucked up just about everything, you let (Y/N) get hurt” He said. He was angry.   
“I know, I’m sorry” Gabriel muttered, looking much like a child being scolded by a parent. Dean sighed and brushed his hand over his face.  
“I’m going out” He said, before slamming the door closed. You looked to Gabriel, admiring him more than you should do.   
“I should get a shower and leave you for the night” Gabriel said, turning to face you. His eyes were still fixated on the floor, as if the floor held the answer to all of life’s questions.   
“You can stay in here, I’m not going to expect you to pay for another room” You said, shifting to sit up and rub his hand.   
“Are you sure?” He asked.   
“Yeah, I’m not going to sleep in a double bed alone” You shrugged. He nodded and smiled slightly, before moving to the bathroom.   
  
20 minutes later, you looked up when he walked out of the bathroom wearing a pair of Sam’s old sweatpants, from when he was at Stanford. His chest was battered, bruised and scarred. He was slim too, but muscular. You’d never expected that much muscle, he often appeared to have a slight belly, like Dean.   
“You need anything?” He asked you, while towel drying his hair.   
“I’m fine, just gonna go to sleep” You said, peeling away your bloody clothes. He nodded and smiled, sitting on the opposite edge of the bed. You curled up in bed, watching as he did a moment later.

You awoke in the early hours of the morning to quiet sobs. Despite the darkness, you could make out Gabriel’s body, he was sat up, facing away from you and hunched over.   
“Gabe?” You asked softly, moving to sitting, despite the screaming pain inside of your body.   
“Oh, did I wake you, (Y/N)? Sorry” Gabriel muttered, attempting to quickly compose himself. You moved so sit beside him, rubbing a hand over his back.   
“What’s wrong?” You asked softly, looking to his face.  
“It’s nothing” He muttered, you could hear the lie.   
“Tell me, I’m not like Dean. I won’t judge you for having emotions” You whispered, reaching up to rub his side gently.   
“I’ll be fine…I always am” He said, rubbing his leg slightly.   
“G-Gabe…how come you haven’t taken your watch off?” You asked curiously, looking over his arms.   
“Oh, must’ve forgotten” He shrugged, but didn’t remove it.   
“Gabriel. What’s going on? You’re hiding something from me” You said, slightly more firm.   
“I don’t know what you’ve gone through since coming back, but if you just want to let it out, I promise you it will stay in this room, between us and no one else” You promised, rubbing your hand over his arm. He sighed and you could see he was seriously contemplating talking about whatever it was.   
“Is it to do with this?” You asked, lightly tapping the watch. He nodded, but didn’t say anything. You reached over and slowly removed it, eyes widening when you saw blood staining the skin. Reaching up, you flicked a lamp on.  
“Gabriel…” You whispered, looking to him. He had his head bowed, eyes closed and you could mistake him for sleeping, if you didn’t know any better.   
“Why…?” You asked softly, while reaching into the bags for a bandage.   
“You wouldn’t understand” He muttered.   
“Try me” You said, while manhandling him until he was facing you. You slowly started cleaning the wounds, looking up to Gabriel every so often.  
“I have nothing…I am nothing” He muttered, looking away from you when you briefly made eye contact.  
“I can’t hunt, I can’t be a human, I can’t be an angel…I can’t die either” He sighed.   
“I don’t want you to die” You said, brushing a thumb over his cheek.   
“I have no one, no family left…Dean wants me dead, I want me dead, Sam probably wants me dead” He muttered.   
“I just… I can’t do this alone anymore” He sighed, flopping back on the bed. You shifted and continued bandaging his arm.   
“Well, I have to say you’re a damn good hunter. Despite falling and not having grace, you do a fine job of it” You said, shifting to finish the bandage and lay beside him, resting your head on your hand, watching him.   
“You’re just saying that…I know I’m shit, tell me as much as you want” He shrugged.   
“Even if you need some fine tuning on your hunting, you make an amazing human. Because you mess up. Human’s aren’t perfect. Isn’t that what makes us, y’know, human?” You said.   
“I just…” He trailed off.   
“You just…” You repeated, a sign for him to continue.   
“I know pain is never permanent…but tonight it’s killing me” He sighed. You reached up and brushed your finger over his cheek.  
“You don’t have to go through it alone” You whispered, shifting slightly closer.  
“I know Dean’s awful with emotions, but despite everything, he doesn’t want you dead. Neither does Sam, and I definitely don’t” You said.   
“You don’t know that…” He whispered.   
“I know I don’t want you dead, I know that with 100% certainty” You said, rubbing your hand over his side, lifting him to face you. You looked up into his eyes, honey meeting your eyes.   
“I know it’s something small, but why don’t we cuddle? It helps with this stuff” You offered. He nodded, a small smile gracing his face. He shifted and curled up in your arms, his back pressed against your chest.  
“Never would have suspected you to be a little spoon” You said, while tangling your legs with his. He chuckled and shrugged, curling closer to you. You smiled and rested your head on his shoulder, rubbing his waist.   
“Listen to what I say, don’t say anything, just listen” You said. He nodded, curling up.   
“You’re loved. I love you. Dean, in his own twisted way, loves you. Sam loves you. You’re not alone, you never will be alone” You whispered. You looked over at his face, he was staring blankly at the door, as if he wasn’t fully listening.   
“Get some sleep, Gabe” You whispered. He nodded, falling asleep quickly. You smiled sadly, an all too familiar ache in your chest.  
  
“What the fuck?” You awoke to Dean’s shouting. Gabriel was still asleep, curled up in your arms with his head on your chest. You smiled down to him, brushing your fingers through his hair.  
“When were you going to tell us that this was a thing then?” Dean snapped, Sam was stood awkwardly in the doorway.   
“We’re not a thing” You shrugged, watching as Gabriel awoke with a jolt and a gasp.   
“It’s okay, whatever you dreamt about, it wasn’t real” You whispered. He nodded, rubbing his eyes before falling back to sleep in your arms.   
“Well it sure looks like a thing” Dean snapped.  
“Sammy, talk some sense into your brother. Me and Gabriel aren’t dating, he was upset and I comforted him” You responded.   
“Cuddling doesn’t equal comforting” Dean growled, dragging the duvet away. You saw Sam’s eyes widen, he’d seen the bloody bandage on Gabriel’s wrist.  
“Dean, leave them alone” Sam said, warningly, while taking the duvet and covering you both.   
“Oh, why?” Dean growled, turning to Sam.   
“Because they’re not hurting you in anyway” Sam said, dragging Dean out of the room. You wrapped yourself around Gabriel and curled up.   
“Are they gone?” He asked, not opening his eyes.  
“Yeah Gabe, they’re gone” You smiled, cupping his cheek. He turned to you and opened his eyes slowly, wincing at the brightness of the room.   
“T-thank you” He whispered. You smiled and kissed his head gently, unaware you’d done it.   
“Don’t worry about it, I know all too well the feeling of depression” You whispered, reaching down to rub his wrist.  
“But, I want you to stop this” You said, maintaining eye contact with him.  
“I know it’s tough, but you can’t be a badass hunter, if you’re not alive” You said. He nodded, opening his mouth to speak.   
“Let me finish” You said, cupping his jaw.   
“I have faith that one day, in the future, you’re going to get your grace back. And you’re going to be the amazing angel I met you as” You said. He bit his lip and nodded, looking down.   
“I want to try something…I understand that you may not like it, but I just want to try it, just once” You said. He nodded and bit his lip, looking back to you, before his eyes flittered back down. You leant down and kissed him gently, cupping his cheeks to pull him closer. It was like an explosion inside, it was everything you’d dreamed of, and so much more. Fireworks exploded in your mind as Gabriel shifted, and you deepened the kiss slightly, unaware of Dean in the doorway, a heartbroken look on his face and one thought on his mind;  _She should be mine._


	2. Chapter 2

You hated being injured, hated even more that Gabriel wasn’t around to give you any loving. He’d been sent on a food run with Sam, while Dean had taken Castiel on a hunt, leaving you alone. Dean hadn’t spoken to you, or Gabriel, since the hunt several months ago, when you’d gotten injured. You didn’t know exactly what had happened, but Dean seemed to be upset, or annoyed with you both, and your relationship with Gabriel, whatever it was. You were more than friends, but you weren’t dating, and instead, just made out occasionally, and cuddled every night. You thought to your last make out session with Gabriel, the way his hands had moved with ease down your body, coming to rest on your thighs as he pulled you into his lap, oh how you’d wanted to take it further with him, you’d wanted to strip naked and worship his body. Your phone ringing beside you pulled you from your train of thought, that was quickly heading south. 

“Hey sugar, need anything from the store?” Gabriel’s voice hit your ears. You could hear Sam, somewhere in the background, likely lecturing Gabriel on the large amounts of candy that he ate.  
“Not sure, something to drink, some candy maybe? I’m not sure” You said.   
“Alright darlin’, can do that for you” He said. You smiled at the pet-names, blushing, though he wouldn’t see it.  
“When you’re back, I uh…I’d like to talk to you in private Gabe” You said softly.  
“Oh…okay” He said, sounding disheartened.  
“It’s not bad, promise” You quickly said.   
“Okay...” Gabriel trailed off, you knew he was uncertain.   
“Trust me, I’ll see you soon?” You said, reassuringly.   
“Yeah, okay” He said.   
“See you soon” You said.   
“Yeah, see you soon” He said, ending the call before the ‘I love you’ slipped out.   
  
You’d just finished showering when Gabriel and Sam returned. Towel wrapped around your body, you walked back into your room, surprised to find Gabriel sat on the bed, as awkward as Castiel could be, maybe it was an angel thing, rather than a Castiel thing.   
“Hey” You said, bending over to pull some underwear from your drawer. You didn’t miss the sharp intake of breath from Gabriel. You smiled and sat on the bed in your bra and panties.  
“How’d it go?” You asked, laying back against the pillows.  
“Alright…What did you want to talk about?” He asked.   
“Us” You said, watching as he shifted to copy your position.   
“W-what do you mean?” He asked.   
“I uh…I don’t know how to say it” You admitted.   
“I’ve thought about it, I know what I want to say, I just can’t say it” You whispered.   
“Do you want us to stop, whatever it is between us?” He asked, not looking up to meet your eyes. He didn’t want to face the rejection.   
“N-no” You stuttered.   
“Has Dean told you that he wants you?” Gabriel softly.  
“Dean wouldn’t want me” You sighed, rubbing his thigh.   
“He does. He’s wanted you for longer than I’ve known you” He admitted. You shook your head.  
“I don’t want him” You said.  
“I’d understand. He’s funnier than me, more attractive and-” He started.   
“GABRIEL!” You said, raising your voice. He didn’t look up, didn’t speak, or make any movement.   
“He’s a better hunter too” Gabriel muttered.   
“I WANT YOU” You shouted, leaning over and kissing him deeply. Gabriel moaned and cupped your cheeks, holding you close. You shifted, lifting him into your lap.   
  
“Me? I’m just me though” Gabriel muttered, when you’d pulled away for some much needed air.   
“I don’t care” You said.   
“You’re you. That’s what I want” You continued, stroking your hand over his cheek.   
“Nothing more, nothing less” You finished, leaning up to kiss him gently. Gabriel cupped your hand, letting you lead the kiss, until eventually you fell to sleep, tangled together beneath the threadbare sheets.

 

“Oh yeah, definitely not dating. My ass” Dean’s angry voice woke you with a jolt. Glaring over, you could see the anger radiating from him in waves. Gabriel was still asleep, head pressed against your chest. You smiled at the sight, before glaring at Dean.   
“Why do you give a damn if we are dating anyway?” You asked, narrowing your eyes.   
“We’re all consenting adults after all” You snapped. Gabriel grumbled and curled his head closer, gripping the t-shirt you slept in.   
“Because he’s an angel. And angel’s are dicks” Dean responded.   
“So what? You’re not the one dating an angel” You said, not moving.   
“Not the point. He killed me over 100 times” Dean snapped.   
“Dean, I did that to show Sammy just how toxic your codependence is. I tried to teach you two meat-heads a lesson because the demons will easily use that against you until you’re both dead in Hell” Gabriel said, not opening his eyes.   
“You could’ve literally talked to use about that!” Dean shouted.  
“Oh yeah, whenever I tried to talk to you, you trapped me in holy oil and fucked off” Gabriel said, standing up. You could see his wings, flaring and twitching beside him, but Dean didn’t back down.  
“I tried to explain to you. I tried to tell Sam, to tell you both, even left fucking notes. But still, you’re too dimwitted to see it” Gabriel growled.   
“One day, a demon will exploit this god damned weakness and use it against you” He continued. You briefly looked to Dean, fear flickered in his eyes.  
“So, maybe if you didn’t fucking act before you think, you’d realise that everything I’ve done, every single thing was for your own well being” Gabriel growled.   
“B-But-” Dean started, cut off when Gabriel snapped his fingers.  
“I’m not finished” Gabriel snapped, standing up. Dean loomed over him, but in this moment, Dean appeared so much smaller.  
“Until you and him stop being so fucking dependent, you’re putting everyone else at risk” Gabriel sighed, watching as you curled into his side.  
“And if you must know, I love (Y/N), I have done for a long time. It just so happens that she noticed me before she noticed you, though it’s hard to notice someone who just sits brooding in the corner” Gabriel growled. You rubbed Gabriel’s side, nosing along his neck. Gabriel snapped his fingers again, allowing Dean the ability to speak, though he didn’t say anything. You laid down, pulling Gabriel over you. Dean left the room, a frustrated sigh. You chuckled and curled up with Gabriel.  
“Did you really hurt Dean that many times to prove a point?” You asked.  
“Partially. Mostly because the point needed to be proven, but I did want to fuck with them too” He chuckled. You smiled and leant over, kissing him gently. Gabriel smirked and mouthed along your neck, holding your hips against his. You shifted slightly, soft breathy moans leaving your throat. You eventually fell to sleep together, arms wrapped around each other.


End file.
